Emotions running wild

A couple of days ago a friend of mine (who is due about 10 weeks after me) asked me if I was scared for labor. It's getting close and I've been thinking a lot about it and how my life is going to change. Surprisingly enough, I'm not really scared for labor at all even though I hope to have a natural drug-free birth. I know I'll be in pain and it won't be easy, but I also know that I can do this. I told her that I'm more scared for bringing him home and she said, "aww, that's the fun part." It made me think about the fears and anxieties that I have. I can't possibly be the only person who has been scared and nervous to bring home a new baby. I'm actualy looking forward to labor and giving birth and meeting him. I can't wait to hold him in my arms and kiss him and feel his little hand in mine. But I'm terrified of bringing him home. How will I know what to do and when to do it? My life will no longer be my own.

Just so you know, I'm not a person who is extremely fond of change and this is probably the biggest change a person could go through. My life changed the day the test said "pregnant" and I changed as a person but things will change even more when he gets here. It's overwhelming knowing that this tiny little person will be depending on me for everything and it's up to me to make sure he is healthy & happy. It doesn't help that I'll be doing it alone. I think that's where a lot of my anxiety comes from. I'll be a single working mom and that certainly won't be easy. When he needs to be fed and changed at 3am, I'll be the only one getting up to do it. I'll be the one taking him to doctor's appoitments. I'll be the one pumping breastmilk and making his bottles. I'll be the one taking him to and from daycare while working full time and still be responsible for getting up in the middle of the night to feed him. I'll be the one who gives him baths and cleans up after he has a poop explosion! It won't be easy and I guess I'm just worried that I won't be able to give him everything he needs. Ever since I can remember I've wanted to be a mom and I believe I was meant to be one. I already love him more than I could have ever imagined and I want to protect him and keep him safe. I can't wait to take him to the zoo and the aquarium and the beach. I can't wait to make him smile and laugh. I guess as the day gets closer, I'm just getting more nervous and anxious about how I'm going to handle the stresses of motherhood. Will I make the right choices and be the best mom I can be? I guess I'll learn as I go and do what I think is best. A friend recently told me that I have to be prepared to fail. Things aren't always going to be perfect. The baby will most likely roll off a given surface or I'll drop him. That's actually a really scary thought but I guess it's true. Things won't always go as planned and I have to be flexible. And the small things like how do I clip his little fingernails and how will I know what size diapers he should be wearing will all come with time & practice. Once he's here I'll be too busy staring at his little face and watching him grow to be scared. These fears will seem stupid to me but all I can think about now is him being here and how things are going to change. And I have to accept that they will change, mostly for the better, but no matter what everything will be ok.